psghayleaux | Entries tagged with being an adult sucks

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So I moved in October. My boyfriend did not. Because he doesn't do change. Only now he's talking about moving in and I find that I don't want him to. He works later than me and wakes me up when he gets home. And tends to play video games half the night with online friends, which also keeps me up.

And I don't miss that. I like having my space and knowing the only thing that will wake me up during the night is my cats.

I've never really lived alone and I like it.

My other problem is that there is a promotion I want to go for at work. Which I'm not eligible for if we're dating. Which are we really dating anymore? We barely see each other outside of work, we hardly talk, we don't currently live together. I don't miss any of it. I like being just me and my cats.

Breaking up with someone on the off chance of a promotion is not the thing to do. But when added with everything else, it just seems like it may be the right thing for me.

We've been together a while now, and I know he's probably still very hung up on me. But I find that I don't miss any of the things about being in a live-in relationship. Or any sort of romantic entanglement at all. This is something that's been coming for a while I think, but being alone made it much clearer.

He's a great guy, and if I break up with him he will be devastated. And I will feel like an asshole. But I don't think I want to let this linger either. I won't be happy if he moves in, I'm not even sure he'll be happy if he moves in. He's lived on the same road his whole life and only originally considered moving because we were going to rebuild out there. But I like the house I'm in.

(My mom owns it, I'm going to buy it off her.)

It is so easy to take to the blank face of the internet. Or two of the few people I've talked about it with in person, but the idea of actually sitting down and having this conversation is nerve-racking. And makes me feel a little ill.

Argh why is this all so hard?

Mom and my step-dad came by today and got my new to me bike seat put on. It's my mother's old gel seat. Much more comfortable than the one that came on the bike. After that was done I went out for a short ride, probably around 3 miles. I went 10 minutes out on the trail and came back. Just to work on building up my stamina, I don't even know the last time I road a bike regularly.

On the other hand 29 is off to a good start. Getting in to better shape isn't a bad thing to do. My legs are doing good but my knees not so much, hopefully the biking will help them out. I'm hoping if I manage to strengthen my bad knee back up it might cut down on some of the horrible popping grinding noises it makes when I walk up stairs.

In other news my washing machine is borked. Probably a motor going as it no longer spins cloths hard enough to get much of the water out of them. Going to half to start keeping my eyes open for another one. Or check out the local appliance place that sells used machines. I really want another front loader and I can't quite afford to buy a good new one with out wiping out what I've got saved.

So someone broke into my landlady's business on Christmas day. And I saw the guy. So I got to talk to the police today to tell them what time and what the guy looked like. That was fun. Makes me wish I could draw people better because I can see him clearly in my head, not his face, I didn't see his face but what he was wearing and everything I can still see. I didn't really get colors because it was dusk and I was looking through a sheer green curtain. It sounds like the same person probably broke into 3 other places in downtown. Fun fun. Or not.

Current Mood: stressed

Guess I wont be buying the building I was looking at after all. Needs the foundation redone, that would be about 70 thousand, and that might be with the my uncle knows people savings added in. And frankly I don't have that kind of money. As it is the building would be 80 to 100 thousand to begin with.

Talk to mom tonight and probably next week let my landlord down easy about not buying it. I did mention to her yesterday that I was worried money wise that it wouldn't be feasible at this time. And yeah she wont be down a building, but she will have 1100$ a month coming in from it, it's been empty for like 2 months at this point which has to be a drain on resources.

In other news my mom told me if T. and I break up her and my step-father will forgive me the loan for buying the business. So 8 grand to dump my boyfriend basically. Not that that would be why things ended. It's been a little strained lately at least for my part. He's a great guy but he drives me up the freaking wall. And I have no way of knowing how much money he takes from the store in a give week for whatever. After last weeks freak out about money he took the 70$ off the coffee table rather than letting me put it in the bank. Which you know is not the way to deal with being worried about the amount of money in the stores account. Ugh.

So T. and I are moving to an apartment right next to the store by the end of Nov. It is in the building I'm trying to buy, I was worried about getting first months rent and deposit together. However the landlord just came by and told us she wouldn't charge us the deposit because we're planning on buying the building. So that's a sigh of releif. And when we move the store to the building she's going to drop the rent for the store by 50$ so we're not going to be paying more than we are now, especially since electric is included with the rent in that building.

We're hoping to buy the building by the end of Dec. anyway. We'll see may not be until next year, but I do really want to get it.

Also crazy pumpkin halloween icon is a go. Have a pretty sweet halloween costume but the only place I have to wear it is work on Monday. Oh well.

Hello internet land. How goes it? I've been getting more hours at work so less time for much more interesting things. Like the internet.

Do to my training in the garage and some really stupid scheduling, and me being nice, today is my only day off this week, this being the first day of the week at hell-mart. So of course I started my period. Ugh. Do not want right now.

Pre-release tournament at the store today for the newest set of MTG. Seem to have pretty good turn out. I'm not involved as I spent my morning and half the afternoon at my mothers house doing a ton of laundry as I'm not sure the next time I'll even have a chance to do laundry.

This icon more relates to what I wish my day was like today than what it really is.

Had a good time last night. SB played two new songs and the guys where all happy to see me. And I got photos of Jesse with a WCYY sticker stuck on his ass, what is amusing about this is that Jordan did it and Jesse didn't notice until someone told him right before their set. It was great to catch up with everyone, it's been over 6 months since I saw them. John and his girlfriend are engaged and getting married in August. Jesse is living with his girlfriend now. Drew is dating 18 year olds, and Jordan's girlfriend doesn't think they are ever going to get married because he keeps putting it off. They are also a giant bunch of gossipy girls. Might try and see them next week in NH as I will be on vacation as of the end of work Thursday.

In not happy stuff court date tomorrow to contest the speeding ticket I got in January. Not looking forward to that at all. *hides*

Also it was another crazy busy day at work only with just 3 people working instead of 5.

Current Mood: exhausted

So the roommate is talking about raising my rent. Because heating oil is going up again. And we live in a drafty metal box that only holds heat in the summer. And as of right now I can just about afford what I pay her. Getting paid $7.50 and hour and working on average between 32 and 39 hours a week doesn't really mean I'm rolling in the monies. And to get 39 hours I have to work 6 days a week. Which is hard because I have a fucked up back and it really needs recovery time.

I don't want to have to move back home, but it's looking more and more likely if I can't find some sort of real job. I should probably think more seriously about setting up a store on etsy. If nothing else I might be able to bring in a little more money for myself. Plus you know keep myself from eventually being buried under paintings, sculptures, scarves and blankets.

Plus if I move home the roommate can't afford to live her on her own. And neither of us want to have to move back home, at least her mom is whiling to turn the garage into an apartment for her. My mom is more likely to gleefully wake me up at 5 in the morning because she feels like being an ass.

I need to call about getting Jazz into the garage today. I hate being an adult and having to call people for things like that. You'd think the fact I have to call customers back everyday at work would break me of my hatred of calling people I don't know, but it hasn't.

Today has been way to long. I had to drive my grandmother to the hospital for some test. She told she would be ready to go at 12 (she arrived at 9:30) I get a call from the hospital at 11:15 saying she'd be ready to go at 11:45. So I leave. I get there and sit in the waiting room for 15 or 20 min. Then some one comes in and asks for me. Turns out I have to go upstairs to collect her. Get up there, can't go cause something's not as it should be. Sit around wait for a doctor, sit some after the doctor comes by, leave the room so my grandmother can get a shot to help with the nausea (the problem) then wait for the medicine to kick in. Then I got to sign something as the designated responsible adult (it said that on the form) and in no way do I fell I like an adult. Then we can go I get home at 1:45, and I was supposed to be home by 12:30. I'm to young to be dealing with this stuff. Its makes me feel like a little kid, cause its all over my head.